Physicians are significantly more likely to die by suicide than the general population. In this mini-episode of the Purpose in Practice podcast, Dr. Laura Sidari shares how losing her mentor to suicide continues to impact her both personally and professionally. Browse ACU’s Suicide Safer Care resources to learn more about this crisis and what we can do to help prevent it.

Dr. Laura Sidari, MD, ABPN, is a Consulting Psychiatrist and Director of Cayuga Integrated Behavioral Health at Cayuga Health and the National Medical Co-Director for Integrated Care at the Collaborative Family Healthcare Association.

Call or text 988 for 24/7, confidential help from the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or chat online.

Full Transcript

Dr. Laura Sidari: One of the biggest losses in my life and in my career occurred as a young attending physician. I’m now 12 years out of medical school. When I was in residency, I worked with a lot of different outstanding psychiatrists and attendings, but one that particularly stood out was one of my attendings who I worked with. She was an inpatient psychiatrist and she became a mentor, not just to me, but to many other colleagues, especially young female physicians. She had outstanding clinical expertise, had trained at a top university, came to work with such positivity and confidence with authentic care for her patients, and she had this ability to really balance personal and professional responsibilities. And at that time, I was a mother to two young boys. She also had two young boys, and she was this role model to me for navigating this early journey of motherhood with also what appeared on every level to really look like outstanding wellness in the medical environment.

Sidari: For these reasons, it was especially earth shattering to me as a young professional in my first year of attendinghood to unexpectedly learn that she died by suicide. And the information that was given for the broader community was that she passed away, but through the personal and professional spheres, I later learned that she died by suicide after leaving work at the inpatient unit. And I would learn from my colleagues that this occurred unexpectedly after she discovered some unsavory things were written about her on the internet. She left the unit that day without speaking to any of us who had gotten to know her well, those who worked with her in the unit at that time, as well as those of us that were available by phone. She drove to a sporting goods store, purchased a firearm, and died by suicide in the parking lot via gunshot wound to the head.

Sidari: And this impacted me personally then, and it continues to impact me personally and professionally now, as a mother, as a physician, and as a psychiatrist, that if this could happen to my mentor, it could happen to anyone and there can be no signs. Even for psychiatrists. We need to ask. We need to have the opportunity to connect and have a conversation. She left behind two young boys that she absolutely adored, and for all these different layers, there weren’t signs of concerns. But in this moment, she experienced entrapment. She experienced feeling that there was no way out, and I think it would’ve been very different if circumstances were different. Death by suicide is not just a personal problem, it’s a societal . . . problem. What would’ve happened if there had been a time limit for her to purchase a firearm? What would’ve happened if she felt she could reach out to supports at the end of the day that one of us had a chance to catch her on the way out? There’s these pieces that really propel us forward to make a difference because this was a preventable loss of somebody who had so much more to do and her losses still, the ripples of it are still so wide reaching for me and others that knew her very well.

Tags: ,